I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
