Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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