Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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