she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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