I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
