so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
