We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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