so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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