I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
