im drinking this country out of the recession.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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