I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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