He kissed a someone with a penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were trust falling into bushes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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