What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
