oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
