dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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