1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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