The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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