when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
