i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
