Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
