dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize