The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
