she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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