there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
