if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
