i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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