I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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