I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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