it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
