i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Are we still banned from the library?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
