I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
