He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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