I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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