went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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