dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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