did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she peed on how many people?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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