And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
