why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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