this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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