Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
