He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
