Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
