have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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