I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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