I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
