I want to stick my p in your. b.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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