Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
