There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
