Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
