it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
