It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
