he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize