and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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