Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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