My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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