I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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