he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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