Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
