Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
