I must be too annoying 4 u.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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