I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
