I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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