you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize