I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
