I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
