is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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