I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize