i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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