im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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