My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
